How to lose a loser

Posted by Angelique Ruzicka on Friday, October 15, 2010
You've got to hand it to him. I don't think the cheating Chilean miner expected his affair to be splashed out all over the news and on the internet. But secrets have strange way of making it to the surface.
Of course, his wife is not charmed and she doesn't look like a lady I would mess with. If I were Yonni Barrious, I would have thought twice about emerging out of the mine after 69 days. But he seemed unconcerned when he reached the top and hugged his mistress. His wife, understandably, refused to be there.
But it gets worse. According to the Daily Mail, there is another miner who has a son with a woman he has not divorced yet and his girlfriend is pregnant. I am sure we hear more of these sorts of stories, now that all these miners are out and considering their lucrative deals for selling their stories.
Speaking of losers, (like the cheat Barrious, not all the miners) there's a friend of mine who has a 'boyfriend' who has been living with her for years and has been jobless for years too. He's constantly putting her down, promising her the earth when she's close to breaking up with her, and makes her feel bad when she threatens to kick him out. Upon hearing her difficulties, I decided to seek help and Googled 'how to get rid of a loser'. I know, I am a bit of an internet nut.
The most interesting article I came across was one written by clinical psychologist Joseph Carver, who is based in Canada. In his article he outlines the warning signs that spell out that you are dating a loser. They seem pretty obvious to me, but there are lots of people out there that don't seem to spots the signs.
Here are a few:
Paranoid control: Loser won't let you take control of your own life, and keeps track of every move you make.
Public embarrassment: Loser will make a scene in public by lashing out at you and calling you names.
Loser convinces you that you are not good enough and that you are lucky to be dating him.
And my personal favourite: The waitress test. Apparently, you can spot a loser by the way he treats another woman that's not close to him. So, unless the waitress spat in your food (and he can prove it) he should be treating her with respect. If he treats her like dirt, ditch him and run a mile.
To get rid of loser, if he already has you in his clutches, Carver recommends you play dead. As in become very unintersting and inattentive of loser and his life, problems, emotional needs and general well-being. He compares this excercise to a slot machine in a casino. If you come across one that's not working, you may pull the handle a couple of times but eventually you will get bored and move onto the next one. His theory is that if you ignore loser and become uninteresting, loser will move on.
I am not so certain. I'd rather do what I advised my friend to do, which is to give loser his marching orders, and if you are feeling generous hand him a YMCA book. If that fails, call the police.
My friend says that her neighbour married a loser. Now he just sits at home chain smoking. She, meanwhile, suffers from stress, has had a triple bypass and has to work because he won't. But if you are in this type of predicament,I don't think it's too late. And if kids are involved, they will get over the separation if that's what you choose to do. Kids are more resiliant than you think.
Ladies, in less than a month it's 16 days of Activism against violence toward women in South Africa. But lets not wait till November to act. Lets adopt a zero tolerance approach to these scumbags. I know its hard to be lonely and single. I've been there done that. But the longer you hang onto the scumbag the worse it will be to get rid of him later. The more time you waste on him is time that could have been used to find someone who will really appreciate you for who you are.

If you are in an abusive relationship, here are some organisations you can contact:
UK: Women's aid: www.womensaid.org.uk
South Africa: Grace Help Centre: www.gracecentre.co.za
United States: Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) www.rainn.org



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